3 YEARS DOWN THE LINE

It is approximately three years since my last post.

I can say (or rather type) that a lot has changed. For instance I have a grey hair or 2. I have my own business. Back then all I had was too much time in my hands and an airtel modem 3.5G :-D (I hope Airtel Kenya saw what I did there).

Which brings me to the core of today's post. What is time?

1. Time is what made your folks decide that it was time (sic) they had a child and brought you to this world;
2. Time is what made your parents stop making you wear napkins or diapers(depending on when and where you were born) and Potty  train you when you were younger;
3. Time is what made your parents realise that our child is all grown you and needs to go to school;
4. Time is what you spent in the 20 or so years that you were in school;
5. Time is what made you realise that it is time to move out of your parents home and try to start a life of your own;
6. Time is what made you realise that you need to get a job to buy food, pay rent and enjoy the good things in life;
7. Time is what is making me feel so hungry and lunch break is almost over;
8. Time costs money.
9. Time is what this long Wikipedia article is about  [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Time]
10. Time is everything.

My time for this post is up and I need to get back to work.

"The guy who wants too much risks loosing everything and of course the guy who wants too little might not get anything in life "

HAPPINESS

Happiness means different things to different people. To some ultimate happiness comes from contemplation of God. To others they draw happiness from other sources be they drugs, alcohol etc. Which brings me to the question if money can buy happiness.

At the face of it I would say that money does not buy happiness but we or rather personally I need money to survive but don't get me wrong I don't worship money and I loathe people who do. Money does buy comfort but it does not guarantee you happiness. But I would rather be comfortable and not at ease than uncomfortable and not at ease. That's just what I think though. Think of those days it rains in town and fares skyrocket if you had more money you would probably own your means of transport and reduce the hustle; or that time you have a 5 day leave and sit bored in your house because you are broke. Money guarantees comfort, creates a sense of security and convenience which is not happiness but an important factor nonetheless. So hustle hard, play harder, money is not everything but it is something.

"MONEY IS NOT EVERYTHING BUT HAVE YOU EVER TRIED PAYING YOUR RENT WITH A GIANT HUG"

MATTERS FOOTBALL

The football season is coming to an end and I bet this is how soap opera fans feel when the story or whatever it is they watch is ending. I don't know what to look forward to for the weekends anymore. I watch mainly the English Premier League and I'm not saying which team I support but Manchester United has Won the EPL :-)  \0/

So Sir Alex Ferguson is retiring at the end of the season and I think this will be a light blow to the team but it had to happen eventually. Alex Ferguson is to say it plainly a football GENIUS. Moving on swiftly and it is rumoured that the special one is returning to Chelsea. Next season I think is going to be crazy.

As for the UEFA champions league the final is between German teams Dortmund having lost the Bundesliga to Bayern Munchen will want to prove that they can be the Kings of Europe Bayern on the other hand will want to re-affirm their position as champions after humiliating Barcelona/ Messi FC. I have my money on Dortmund but we'll see how it goes. As for the Europa League Chelsea think that they are going to win but we all love surprises like that time Bayern beat Barcelona all the best Benfica. I am not Andy Townsend so I will just try and conclude by saying let's wait for the final and wish Sir Alex well in his retirement days. He may now start playing FIFA 14 as a constant reminder of how cool he was at his job.

10 BEST EXAM FLOPS OF ALL TIME

It has been a very very long time so I came across this and I thought this might cheer some of you up so enjoy. :-) 

HOW TO KILL A HERO

HOW TO KILL A HERO

So I have been out for a few days thinking about something I did. . . a week ago I ran over . . .no not ran over I hit a dog good thing it was malnourished and I kinda put it out of its misery. . . not proud of it though. Anyway today my pals and I were talking about our school days and I realized that our education system is not as crappy as I thought e.g. Today I will blog about our history book heroes . . . or legends. First there was Shaka the Zulu the dude could only die by having his shadow stabbed, shot or something . . . and people actually believed that!! BITE ME! Another hero was Gor . . . Apparently this is also a legend who the Luo believed was made of stone . . . they must have killed him with a sledge hammer or something . . . no wonder the fans like throwing stones

There is also that story about the maji maji rebellion that happened somewhere in our neighboring country Tanzania. . . Some prophet told the soldiers that taking some water from a certain river would make them bullet proof. .COME ON!! Shoot me now. . . So fast forward about a millennium later terrorists suicide bombers have the promise to meet a good number of virgins after blowing up a good number of people. . . HaHa But I wouldn’t know since I have not been to the afterlife.  Anyway I hope I have reminded you of how useful history class was and now I have to prepare to go watch UEFA champions. . . REAL MADRID v MANCHESTER CITY teren teren.

‘WHOEVER INVENTED “KNOCK KNOCK” JOKES SHOULD GET A NO-BELL PRICE’

Some of you will get that in 2013 . . . I got to stop using that and replace it with 2015.

©2012

WOMEN

WOMEN

This topic has been written about over and over again and nobody understands this species of human beings, today I go down in history as a person who has written about women.

Women do not understand themselves free advise to all men out there . . . do not try to understand them. Women are even bad to their kind and loathe each other even for no reason at all. . .

They are super sarcastic especially when exchanging greetings. . . In our country the greetings may be seen in the following sample conversation. . . Stacy and Tracy not their real names

                                Tracy: Niaje supuu. . .(Hi hottie)

                                Stacy:Poa sana Mrembo. . .(I am fine beautiful)

NB one if not both of this women is neither beautiful nor hot; I will not say ugly as it would be insensitive . . . every time I hear such a conversation, I automatically assume that it is a little game that women play with each other’s heads which they are all aware of or they just want to boost each other’s self esteem.

Women always complain about how painful child birth is, however men on the other hand also complain about how getting hit in the balls is . . . to bring this debate to an end the bloggers research from UNRELIABLE sources has formulated a solid answer; A woman after child birth will always go back to the husband and tell him “Let’s have another” However a man would not agree to have his balls hit again . . . there you have your answer.

The thing with women they will always go into a shop selling clothes that is when I see a clothes shop/hawker on the street and I am accompanied by a woman I just curse silently in my head knowing that she will spend 30 minutes looking at the clothes and buy none of them.

Women are poor time keepers and set their clocks and watches 10-15 minutes forward and still get late. . . if you do not do this and you are a woman no wonder you are never on time.. 

One thing we men have to learn is that we can never win an argument with a woman and even where we win it is only because they let us win. . .  I once had someone say “I married miss right . . .I just didn’t know her first name was always” some of you will get that in 2014

“Marriage is like a pack of cards, on the wedding day it is all about hearts and Diamonds but one year down the line you realize you need a club and a spade”

I don’t remember his name

Thanks for reading as always share with your pals ©2012

                                                

FRIENDS

FRIENDS

Hi people!! What is friendship? This is not an examination I therefore don’t have an answer to that. Friends come in various forms and sizes black, white , gay ,straight, fat , slim. . . .But this is not what I am writing about neither am I talking about the friendship on that Guinness advert; here are just but a few:

1.       The you will never make it-> this is the kind of person who never backs you in anything you decide to do . . . biblically known as Noah’s friends. This is a friend with whom you can’t share ideas with as they were sent to this world to kill dreams. . . .This is not your friend

2.       The where did you get that -> this is a typical Kenyan and applies especially to the female folk; research by the blogger shows that Kenyan’s don’t have a unique style of complementing one another; for instance take a conversation between Tracy and Stacy:

Tracy:*sees Stacy in nice top*Where did you get that Top

Stacy: I got it from that jaamaa wa ngara

Tracy: haki nilikuwa nimeiona nikaiwacha, But I’ll get one like that

NB. At no time has Stacy told Tracy that the top is nice.  Is this a real friend? Well I don’t know

3.       The lets have a drink on you-> This is the guy who thinks that you are always loaded and that your purpose in this world is to liberate him from his/her thirst for alcohol, they never return the favour.. .This should not be your friend

4.       The assist me with some cash friend->This is a professional creditor always borrowing a sok. . . they are those who pay up and I have no problem with those because we all find ourselves at a fix at one point in our lives however those who don’t pay up are NOT your friends and if your reading this BLOG and you don’t pay SHAME ON YOU!!

5.       The Switi-> this is from the bloggers experience and those of his friends; this applies mostly to the men out there, if a girl who is not your girlfriend or very close female friend calls you a random “Switi” don’t fall for that shit jua anataka kukutumia vibaya. . . doing crap that you would not ordinarily do.

-side note/ not relevant*today’s LoL show on K24 is not funny at all!! L*

6.       The do me a favour-> this is a friend who only calls you when he/she needs something and is never available when you need help.

There are however some good friends who have your back and you theirs *is that even correct* anyway this are friends you should keep this. Statistics have it that we change our friends every 7 years, something that I agree with due to change of environment, profession, lifestyle etc. They say that no man is an Island haha that is because he is a man and an island is an island *nkt not funny*

Today I don’t have a joke to post only something I have heard in the show referred in point number 5 above:

“the obituary section in the papers contains different kinds of people where it is a kyuk they write ‘a life well lived’, a beautiful girl ’gone too soon’ a Christian ‘God loved you most’ MY FAVOURITE… a LUO ‘promoted to glory’ “      

LoLK24

Thanks for reading as always share with your pals and thanks for reading

©2012